Well, I am free to roam the streets of Brighton once more.
I was contacted by the police on Friday to inform me that 'The Perpetrator' has been taken into custody until at least the 5th of January 2009.
This means that I can freely visit my friends in Brighton and even press my nose up against a few shop windows. I can wander through the North Lanes and stroll along the sea front without fear. It is a good feeling.
But...
I hope the crime he has been arrested for has not been against a woman.
I would hate to think my gain has been at another's expense.
Tuesday, 9 December 2008
Monday, 1 December 2008
Baby P , I despair...
As you know I have personal experience of abused women. The women that I came in contact with, in the refuge, had experienced domestic violence on a daily basis and also extreme controlling behaviour. After escaping domestic violence, their choices were very limited, after a time they will be offered council housing (temporary) which can be for six months or up to two years.
One example, that i experienced, was one of the women, a woman who had been subjected to violence for 22 years, the flat she went to had been lived in by a person with 13 cats and five dogs. To move in she had to scrub ( and we are talking about a person who suffered from OCD ) dog and cat poo from skirting boards and under doors, the floor boards were absolutely soaked with animal urine, the place stank.
Eventually, after six weeks, the council had to replace carpets, floor boards etc etc. She was in a state of despair.
She had left her home and three children because her partner threatened to kill her. She lived in terror of him finding her. She could not tell her children where she was in case they let it slip where she lived. She had already changed her name. He had totally poisoned her children against her and they blamed her for leaving him. She had already returned three times because her children had begged her, as a reward for this he had beaten her to an inch of her life.
When in a refuge, these women are alone in a new area having escaped from a violent partner. The children beg to see their dad again, they do not understand. They have often left a comfortable home, their friends and all that is familiar to them. They have left behind their children's schools and friends and the alternative, for some, is very depressing. They try, for the children's sake and for their own safety, to start again. The reason these women are in a refuge is because they have no supportive family who will take them in.
They often over discipline their children. I worry that when they leave the refuge and are alone in an isolated flat this may be exacerbated. Because of financial deprivation, the loneliness and the reasons listed above, the majority of these women go back to abusive partners.
What can be done?
As you know I have personal experience of abused women. The women that I came in contact with, in the refuge, had experienced domestic violence on a daily basis and also extreme controlling behaviour. After escaping domestic violence, their choices were very limited, after a time they will be offered council housing (temporary) which can be for six months or up to two years.
One example, that i experienced, was one of the women, a woman who had been subjected to violence for 22 years, the flat she went to had been lived in by a person with 13 cats and five dogs. To move in she had to scrub ( and we are talking about a person who suffered from OCD ) dog and cat poo from skirting boards and under doors, the floor boards were absolutely soaked with animal urine, the place stank.
Eventually, after six weeks, the council had to replace carpets, floor boards etc etc. She was in a state of despair.
She had left her home and three children because her partner threatened to kill her. She lived in terror of him finding her. She could not tell her children where she was in case they let it slip where she lived. She had already changed her name. He had totally poisoned her children against her and they blamed her for leaving him. She had already returned three times because her children had begged her, as a reward for this he had beaten her to an inch of her life.
When in a refuge, these women are alone in a new area having escaped from a violent partner. The children beg to see their dad again, they do not understand. They have often left a comfortable home, their friends and all that is familiar to them. They have left behind their children's schools and friends and the alternative, for some, is very depressing. They try, for the children's sake and for their own safety, to start again. The reason these women are in a refuge is because they have no supportive family who will take them in.
They often over discipline their children. I worry that when they leave the refuge and are alone in an isolated flat this may be exacerbated. Because of financial deprivation, the loneliness and the reasons listed above, the majority of these women go back to abusive partners.
What can be done?
This can't be right...
Life at the moment, could be better.
As I explained in my earlier posts, my home was repossessed back in March of this year. I was, at that time, in a women's refuge and this was a very difficult time for me.
At the time of repossession my flat was under offer and the sale was progressing well but this was not enough for the mortgage company to halt the repossession and because they insisted on getting three further valuations, which took a considerable length of time, my sale fell through.
They then revalued and re marketed the property and in April they had a new buyer, I was waiting to exchange contracts for 6 months and then, at the last minute, the buyers withdrew.
Since then the bottom has fallen out of the housing market.
I was informed last week that for the last nine months I have been liable for mortgage payments even though my home has been repossessed and this will be added on when the property is finally sold. Also I am liable for all ground rent and maintenance payments on the flat.
If this wasn't bad enough, the fire escape has now been condemned and therefore no-one will get a mortgage on it until it is fixed. This is the Free-holders responsibility but will be taken from the leaseholders maintenance payments. I will therefore be responsible for my portion of the costs. Even though my flat is on the ground floor and doesn't use the fire escape.
All the time it is not sold I will still be liable for the continuing mortgage payments.
Because the flat is now worth considerably less than its original value. My £2,500 debt has turned into nearly £100,000 and I will be left with nothing at the end of it.
When I got into debt it was because I was suffering from anxiety and depression and was therefore unable to work.
It feels like I have been penalised for being ill and for my lack of ability to cope at that time.
Surely this can't be right.
How I am managing to keep going amazes me. There is only so much a person can manage. I am now at the end of my rope.
As I explained in my earlier posts, my home was repossessed back in March of this year. I was, at that time, in a women's refuge and this was a very difficult time for me.
At the time of repossession my flat was under offer and the sale was progressing well but this was not enough for the mortgage company to halt the repossession and because they insisted on getting three further valuations, which took a considerable length of time, my sale fell through.
They then revalued and re marketed the property and in April they had a new buyer, I was waiting to exchange contracts for 6 months and then, at the last minute, the buyers withdrew.
Since then the bottom has fallen out of the housing market.
I was informed last week that for the last nine months I have been liable for mortgage payments even though my home has been repossessed and this will be added on when the property is finally sold. Also I am liable for all ground rent and maintenance payments on the flat.
If this wasn't bad enough, the fire escape has now been condemned and therefore no-one will get a mortgage on it until it is fixed. This is the Free-holders responsibility but will be taken from the leaseholders maintenance payments. I will therefore be responsible for my portion of the costs. Even though my flat is on the ground floor and doesn't use the fire escape.
All the time it is not sold I will still be liable for the continuing mortgage payments.
Because the flat is now worth considerably less than its original value. My £2,500 debt has turned into nearly £100,000 and I will be left with nothing at the end of it.
When I got into debt it was because I was suffering from anxiety and depression and was therefore unable to work.
It feels like I have been penalised for being ill and for my lack of ability to cope at that time.
Surely this can't be right.
How I am managing to keep going amazes me. There is only so much a person can manage. I am now at the end of my rope.
Monday, 10 November 2008
Shake me up Judy ...
Friday morning, I was rushing to get to my handy-woman job and I slipped and fell down four stairs. My boots are a bit worn so I believe this is the reason. I was a bit shaken up.
I travel on the train to this job and I am deeply engrossed in a book, after a few stations I look up and the man in the booth across from me has an enormous hole in his jeans and everything (and I mean everything) is hanging out. I ponder on whether this is accidental and come to the conclusion, as he obviously is not wearing any underpants, that it is not. I was very shaken up.
I arrive at my place of work, my job for the day is to paint the loft hatch. I collect the wooden steps from the garden, I climb up them and three steps give way they are rotten right through.
I was even more shaken up and had a bit of a painful knee.
Saturday, I spent the day helping a friend to move house. In the evening we went out on the town. On the way TO the pub, (having bought a new pair of boots in a charity shop for 3 quid) I slipped on some fallen leaves and fell a--e over t-t in the street. (exceptionally shaken up) and hurt the other knee.
Went to the pub, there was an Irish band playing, being a little the worse for a few drinks, I was attempting to do a, Michael thingy person of the flying mane and hands behind your back, type of dance. Lost my balance and fell into the speakers!!!!
Really, really shaken up and extremely embarrassed.
Sunday - spent most of the day in bed recovering.
I travel on the train to this job and I am deeply engrossed in a book, after a few stations I look up and the man in the booth across from me has an enormous hole in his jeans and everything (and I mean everything) is hanging out. I ponder on whether this is accidental and come to the conclusion, as he obviously is not wearing any underpants, that it is not. I was very shaken up.
I arrive at my place of work, my job for the day is to paint the loft hatch. I collect the wooden steps from the garden, I climb up them and three steps give way they are rotten right through.
I was even more shaken up and had a bit of a painful knee. Saturday, I spent the day helping a friend to move house. In the evening we went out on the town. On the way TO the pub, (having bought a new pair of boots in a charity shop for 3 quid) I slipped on some fallen leaves and fell a--e over t-t in the street. (exceptionally shaken up) and hurt the other knee.
Went to the pub, there was an Irish band playing, being a little the worse for a few drinks, I was attempting to do a, Michael thingy person of the flying mane and hands behind your back, type of dance. Lost my balance and fell into the speakers!!!!
Really, really shaken up and extremely embarrassed.
Sunday - spent most of the day in bed recovering.
Tuesday, 4 November 2008
Wednesday, 29 October 2008
Today I walked in Ypres.
Today I walked beside the river in Ypres, where I took this photograph and I was inspired to write the following poem.
Today I walked in Ypres
Today I walked in Ypres
The sky was as blue as the best autumn day
Leaves shook and shivered
Many thousands had fallen
each
golden and precious
and yet
had rotted where they fell
detritus upon the muddy earth.
and we walked upon them
ankle deep
in Ypres
Today I walked in Ypres
Today I walked in Ypres
The sky was as blue as the best autumn day
Leaves shook and shivered
Many thousands had fallen
each
golden and precious
and yet
had rotted where they fell
detritus upon the muddy earth.
and we walked upon them
ankle deep
in Ypres
Sunday, 26 October 2008
The Aftermath ...
It has been a while since I posted. Apart from the fact that I have a head cold which is annoying me at the moment, I am actually doing fine.
I have settled into my bijou flat and can say goodbye to the refuge and hopefully the past experiences forever.
I have continued a friendship with one young woman who is still at the refuge and, for her, the nightmare continues.
Part of me is loath to mention the negative experiences we went through because I want women reading this, who might be in abusive relationships, to know there is a safe place for them to go where they will be looked after and supported.
On the whole this is true but one has to bear in mind the things these women have been through and which very often leaves them damaged in some way.
There has been a family at the refuge, a woman of 59 (an alchoholic) her daughter and grandson (12 years old) They are very damaged and as a result are a destructive force at the refuge. They have a very currupt and twisted view of life and spend all of their time causing trouble for the other residents. ( Apparently I was a spy employed by the refuge to 'grass' on everyone) My young friend, who is a person of some integrity, has been falsely accused of many things and in turn ostracised by the rest of the residents. She is basically a good and kind young woman who has coped amazingly with her three year old daughter under the circumstances. It hurts me very deeply to see her so unfairly treated.
She is a strong young woman, small and feisty, but she has found this really tough. It is such a shame because before this family arrived the women there were lovely, it felt like one big family, everyone mucking in and supporting each other and a lot of laughter and tears were shared.
I have spoken to the key workers on her behalf (she was scared to herself in case this made the situation worse) They were very understanding but said there was nothing they could do unless she made a formal complaint.
Even if she did and they were moved on, it would just become someone elses problem at another refuge.
I guess families like these are what prevent some women from entering a refuge. It is a shame, and in my experience unusual. Most women who enter refuges have already had a really awful time and they just want some peace and privacy. To have to deal with other abusive characters is the last thing they need in their vulnerable states of mind.
Hopefully, my friend and her adorable little girl will soon find a new, safe home and I will continue to support them if I can.
I have settled into my bijou flat and can say goodbye to the refuge and hopefully the past experiences forever.
I have continued a friendship with one young woman who is still at the refuge and, for her, the nightmare continues.
Part of me is loath to mention the negative experiences we went through because I want women reading this, who might be in abusive relationships, to know there is a safe place for them to go where they will be looked after and supported.
On the whole this is true but one has to bear in mind the things these women have been through and which very often leaves them damaged in some way.
There has been a family at the refuge, a woman of 59 (an alchoholic) her daughter and grandson (12 years old) They are very damaged and as a result are a destructive force at the refuge. They have a very currupt and twisted view of life and spend all of their time causing trouble for the other residents. ( Apparently I was a spy employed by the refuge to 'grass' on everyone) My young friend, who is a person of some integrity, has been falsely accused of many things and in turn ostracised by the rest of the residents. She is basically a good and kind young woman who has coped amazingly with her three year old daughter under the circumstances. It hurts me very deeply to see her so unfairly treated.
She is a strong young woman, small and feisty, but she has found this really tough. It is such a shame because before this family arrived the women there were lovely, it felt like one big family, everyone mucking in and supporting each other and a lot of laughter and tears were shared.
I have spoken to the key workers on her behalf (she was scared to herself in case this made the situation worse) They were very understanding but said there was nothing they could do unless she made a formal complaint.
Even if she did and they were moved on, it would just become someone elses problem at another refuge.
I guess families like these are what prevent some women from entering a refuge. It is a shame, and in my experience unusual. Most women who enter refuges have already had a really awful time and they just want some peace and privacy. To have to deal with other abusive characters is the last thing they need in their vulnerable states of mind.
Hopefully, my friend and her adorable little girl will soon find a new, safe home and I will continue to support them if I can.
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